Carly Valancy
From Kat: Carly and I’s relationship is as straightforward as a tightly wound spring. The perfect amount of connection, lost connection, and change of trajectory that personifies The Obvious Path.
Carly blew me away at the first BFA showcase I attended when I was an intern at an agency. She was talented, kind, humble, and joyful. She was brought onboard as I transitioned into a full-time job at a different company. Through the years, Carly, unbeknownst to her, was my metaphor for the client I wanted to work with: Small school grit, motivated, creative. A person I wanted to fight to get in rooms. We hadn’t spoken since I had left my internship, but she was constantly on my mind.
And then she showed up in my Facebook Messenger. A friendly, informed, confident, and personalized message that congratulated me on a new job and invited me to coffee. Coffee turned into a reconnection of working together. More importantly, it turned into a new friendship. Then, Carly told me that her email wasn’t random. Reaching out, a book and philosophy inspired by Molly Beck, had become her new passion. Carly was taking control of her network by methodically reaching out to people on her outer circle, professional connections, and inspirations. It’s a practice that has stuck around, as of TODAY, for one year. This year, Carly has reached out to 261 different people. One of those RO’s, me, helped inspire The Obvious Path. Can you imagine the ripple that has spread to 260 others?
Connection as a passion led to a partnership with the author of Reach Out, Molly Beck, the creation of the company built for connection, Valence and Co., and Carly’s identification as a professional creative. No longer relying on others making decisions, Carly is braving the new world with decision making, inclusion, and creativity. If you’re interested in pivoting, following your passions, or taking control of your moment; here’s your leader.
This is a sentimental feature for us because Carly is a big reason for this blog coming into existence. Carly, can you please introduce yourself to our readers?
WOW. A strangely emotional start. I am writing this from a plane taking me far away from NYC for a while; a place that felt like home to me only after meeting the two of you.
Hello readers! First let me say, I am grateful to you for reading this. There is a lot to consume out there right now and spending your time reading about my story is remarkable to me. Thank you. If any of this resonates with you, either now or in the future, please reach out. I would really love to hear from you.
I’m Carly Valancy, I am an artist, the founder of Valence and Co, a company built on/for connection, and I like to identify myself as a professional creative.
SO many topics and questions we want to cover. WOW. You went to school at the University of Northern Colorado and received your BFA in Musical Theatre. You showcased in NY, and then started the NYC journey. How was your first year out of school after showcase? What did you learn during that first year?
I began my first year in NYC like MANY others. I realized I didn’t know anything, I cared way too much about what other people thought of me, I worked jobs I didn’t like, lived out of a suitcase for a bit, lost my monthly metro card RIGHT after I had refilled it, went through a crazy break up. I learned a lot of things VERY quickly: the most important being that NY Pizza Suprema near Penn Station has the best upside-down slice in the city. I learned that the quickness of the city, the industry, and my brain made me feel like I was sprinting in a hamster wheel, constantly burning out but going nowhere. I learned that what I wanted more than anything was balance and I didn’t know where or how to find it. I learned that I wanted to stop living a life that was about waiting for my life to start.
You are the Reach Out Queen. Can you talk to us about how you got connected to Molly Beck’s, “Reach Out’ and how reading that book has changed your life? We would love to hear about Valence & Co. as well!
HELL yes I can. So in January 2019, I was in a really unhealthy place mentally, struggling with debilitating anxiety. I found an incredible therapist who suggested that my long list of New Years Resolutions might perpetuate the vicious cycle of stress, worry, and shame I was feeling and asked me to literally rip it up in front of her. She asked me to choose one goal that was in my control and the first thing I thought of was “I want to be a full-time artist by 2020.” I wanted to quit my job as a barista and work in collaborative spaces with creative people.
Fast forward to July. I had worked two quick regional contracts and gotten my equity card, but was nowhere close to my goal and half the year was already over.
Enter “Reach Out” by Molly Beck. In this book, I felt like Molly was speaking to me directly. As if she was saying, “Carly, you do not have to wait for others to give you opportunities. The things you want are right at the edge of your current network. Literally ALL you have to do is say yes to yourself.” I began reaching out every week day and within 3 months, I had quit my coffee shop job and I was a full time artist, teaching meditation, singing at weddings, and assisting an a woman I met on the SUBWAY at the performing arts library. All three of these jobs came from Reach Outs and I was amazed at how quickly things could happen when I was pursuing action every day. I kept going and going, and when I looked back at 100 days, my entire life looked different. My vicious cycle had turned into a vivacious cycle. As I kept going, I shared my practice with artists, friends, coworkers, literally anyone who would listen, and It began to take a new shape entirely. I became this “connection expert.” People started asking me questions and advice and for the first time in my life, I felt so strangely qualified, which I think is because it’s so EASY for me to talk about. That’s important, I’ve realized, when you’re trying to flesh out an idea… Logistics are always hard, but ideas should be easy. When you strike the right cord with yourself, it feels like melting butter or play-doh or something else that is just “so right.” Creating Valence and Co. came naturally because it gave me the ability to own my IP and have a home for the things I want to create. My obsession with collaboration comes from the theatre industry! All of my favorite scores and reconstructed revivals are built because unique collaborators came together to create something new and that is the most grand vision of success I can imagine.
You have truly made a path for yourself, which of course we are obsessed with. What was the hardest obstacle you had to face while connecting all the dots? How did you deal with it?
Oof yes. Two things: Decision making and logistics.
As an actor, I never had to make MAJOR decisions and always relied on the decisions of the casting director, agent, director, etc. I would prepare and do my best, but it was the “people behind the table” that decided whether I booked the job. When I didn’t get the job it was “out of my hands,” and when I did it was “thank god this director saw something in me.” Making decisions has been a huge practice and intense learning curve for me.
LOGISTICS. Beginning a business, creating content, showing up for others includes a lot of logistics that I had never had to think about before. This is true in all new ventures, but constantly leaning into the things I don’t know anything about requires resiliency like I cannot explain. It’s a LOT of asking for help, fucking up, continuing to show up especially on the days I don’t feel like it. Luckily, I have no shame when asking for help, and I have an awesome community of friends and mentors who continue to catch me over and over again. A piece of advice: find a mentor… it will change your life.
How do you define success?
Showing up, continuously building on my obsessions, getting uncomfortable, and letting serendipity into the room
We are obviously in a strange time in our world right now. What do you think our industry has the opportunity to change in this time? What do individuals need to be focusing on as they think about “pivoting”?
The opposite of a hierarchy is a network. There is so much possibility to invite all voices to the table. The industries blind spots seem to sit in the inability to take actions that impact the right people. In order for our industry to change, we ALL need to be thinking about what our individual voices sound like and most importantly, we need to be asking better questions. Pivoting is a juicy word because it allows to take responsibility for our own two feet. Whenever you can, focus on possibility. It is easy to get stuck in the enormity and the fear of the unknown, but a lot of the truth in our situations come from the stories we believe to be true. We are storytellers yet we have a lot of trouble telling our own stories… Pivoting feels like a great opportunity to switch that narrative.
We’ve used the metaphor of a mountain to be analogous to our career accomplishments, dreams, and changes. We feel a lot of our reader’s “climb” is on pause. Has your mountain ever changed? Is it changing now? What’s keeping you moving?
YESSSS. My mountain changes constantly. I actually get worried when it is not changing because that means I have some major blind spots. I often hear from clients that they are disappointed when their goals change because it feels like they’re giving up on dreams. In the practice of tracking my reach outs on an excel spreadsheet, I can literally see the way my goals have evolved on paper. This has been incredibly revealing because it has shown me that even constant changes and opposite ideas are still connected and that it is my ability to connect the dots that allows me to keep moving.
RAPID FIRE:
Favorite Broadway show: Sunday in the Park with George
Favorite Quarantine snack: Twizzlers have been a constant from start to end. Currently into Peaches though
In 5 years, you will live where?: Denver? London? New York?
TV show you binge: Schitt’s Creek
Podcasts you love: OH man too many to name… My favs can be found here: https://www.valenceandco.com/resources
Religious, Spiritual, or nah?: Big time spiritual
Biggest tip for a first reach out?: The person on the other side of the computer is a lot like you… you never know what the power of one small message can bring.
2-5 words describing what inspires you: People in collaboration
Most meaningful “no” that turned into something special: A “no” from MFA programs allowed me to think about the impact I can make without waiting for a “yes.” I wrote a MOTH story about my experience and got to tell it live at a storyslam in NYC.
Favorite part about RO?: The community. It is eclectic, full of inspiring ideas, and humans who want to lift each other up.
Yes or no… Out of pajamas before noon?: HELL yes. The RO Party starts at 9:27am EDT so I am up and out by 8am. I’m also a morning person.
Biggest beef with the business: The hierarchy, which will hopefully be dismantled and rebuilt from the ground up. I hope to be a part of that change.
Social media handles?:
https://www.instagram.com/carlyvalancy/
https://www.instagram.com/valenceandco/
People can reach me anytime at carly@valenceandco.com
Anything you’d like to promote?: Cohort 4 starts on Aug 23!!! Anyone who reads this awesome blog would be an incredible addition to our RO family. https://www.valenceandco.com/reachoutparty